We had a games night last night.
It was fun. Entertaining.
And now I’m a little hungover…so I’m just going to continue lying here. On the couch. Finishing my book…
Category Archives: Blog
I Got Nothing
I’ve been wracking my brain all week for something interesting to write about. Wondering what interesting thing happened this week. And I got nothing.
Nothing.
All I have done this week is work. And try to write a paper. And stare at the computer screen. And really I haven’t done anything.
Nothing.
We have concrete. That was the most exciting thing. But then my dogs have been ridiculously annoying.
Just a week of nothing. And thus I have nothing to say…
Anxiety
This week I had my first really severe anxiety attack for about five years. I’ve had a few momentary freak outs in the mean time, but nothing this bad. I had to call in sick to work a few times. I struggled to get any study done. I just barely could exist. And it was horrible. Actually, I’d forgotten how horrible it was to be like that. I’d forgotten how isolating and terrifying.
Really. I’m still kind of scared that it’s going to happen again. Even though I feel completely fine now. I have no idea what set it off. I have no idea why I suddenly couldn’t move. Couldn’t function. It just happened. And it just happened for three whole days before the sun broke through the clouds.
The anxiety itself isn’t what concerns me, it’s the idea that it could happen again. And I won’t know why. And no one understands, so it’s a little hard to feel completely at ease when it can just happen again at any point…
Proposing Research
This week I started drafting out my research proposal. It is due in September and it is going to go through a lot of reincarnations. But what really freaked me out is that I am literally planning out the next three years of my life. I had to do a chart saying what aspect of the experiment I will be doing at which point over the next three years. I knew that I was committing to this when I started, but actually putting it down on paper… THAT was far more overwhelming!
So here I am, wondering if my plan is even good enough for my supervisors (I find out on Wednesday). And freaking out because three years is a LONG time. And wondering why this is only suddenly occurring to me. And basically, I’m really not sure how I feel. Still incredibly excited. But now a little bit more scared…
Gentle Giant
I have 2 dogs. One of which is a 40kg American Staffy, looks a little like a pitbull or fighting dog. Last night I took giant dog to my friends to meet her dogs.
When we take onyx for a walk, people tend to give us a pretty wide berth. And most dogs are a little hesitant about playing with the lumbering gool. But the reason I took him first instead of my 12kg beagle? He’s a gloriously sweet bonehead.
He spent a good half hour playing with the plug x while it had the zoomies. And the rest of the night trying to make friends with the kelpie. Even when she tried to bite him a few times, he continued to try for kisses. Creepy and inappropriate, yes. But still sweet.
Even the two young kids running around going crazy. And at one point jumping on him and trying to scare him were met with love. As the 4 year old spilt her food everywhere, he sat patiently waiting to be given something.
Even as I write this, he is leanjng on my lap in bed for his morning cuddles. Just goes to show that because something or someone looks scary, doesn’t mean they are…
Migraines
I’m put again with a migraine. I get different types. Today’s is one that means I’m in too much pain to move. But not enough to sleep and pass out. It’s beyond frustrating.
Actually I’ve had lyrics from Pain by Three Days Grace rolling through my head. It feels like it echoes how I’m feeling…
Anyone got any suggestions on reducing migraine pain??
Too Pretty
There is no surer way to end a conversation with me or get me ragey than to start commenting on my looks. I was lucky with the genetics, whilst I’m not a stunner, I have a good figure, hair and skin tone that means absolutely zero work and I’m good at pretending to have an amazingly sunny disposition (sometimes whilst imagining a multitude of ways to get rid of you…) But all of that doesn’t mean that I don’t have other good attributes. Something that often gets forgotten.
Only a few weeks ago, I got the comment “But you’re too pretty and nice to be smart…” I was talking with a customer about the fact that I’m doing a PhD. Since I was at work, I couldn’t do anything but laugh. Because I’m sure in some convoluted way, it was meant as a compliment… but what I REALLY wanted to do was ask “what the fuck do you think a smart person looks like?” “Do you think that we’re all mean, dungeon trolls?” Honestly! And that made me think of all the other times I’ve been treated like I’m dumb or faking it because there in so many people’s minds, there is no way that a woman who is not unfortunate looking could possibly be smart.
I look back at high school and the fact that my “friends” used to say that the gifted education teacher wanted to sleep with me… which was apparently the only reason that I was able to start attending University while still in Year 12. Never mind that I had passed three Year 12 subjects with flying colours in Year 11. Or the fact that I had to go through a reasonably intense application process to get into the program. Or the fact that I worked my arse off, and generally beat out every single one of my peers when it came to grades… no… somebody wanted to have sex with me, and therefore I was in extensions.
Flick forward to University. I was constantly being told by the people in my classes that I must be wrong because we got different answers. Or being asked by male classmates if I wanted their assistance, even though I had finished my practical 10 minutes ago and was chatting about my weekend with a friend. There seems to be this underlying assumption that to be pretty means dumb…
So next time you want to tell someone that they can possibly be X because they look Y… think again. If you say it to me when I’m not trying to be kind and professional at work, I will probably scream… and definitely contemplate giving you a Gibbs slap to knock some sense into you. Honestly.
Weird Dog
I have 2 dogs. One is a beagle. I actually have to order the beagle to stop drinking. She has this weird habit where she sculls the water. And then throws up. No idea why. She has access to the water 24/7.
When the beagle isn’t drinking stupidly, she’s licking. Doesn’t matter what I’m doing, she’ll just randomly come up and lick me. If I try to move my hand away, she will grab it with her paws and pull me back in.
Then there’s my american staffy. When he drinks. The whole head goes in the bowl. And I swear the majority goes over the floor and not in his mouth.
AAAND he thinks he’s a lap dog. Imagine 40kg puppy. 55kg woman. Puppy likes to sleep on woman’s lap. Currently on said lap now. Though we’re starting to get winter weather, so ultimately I’m not complaining…
What weird things do your pets do?
Overactive Imagination
I’ve always been told that I have an overactive imagination. Generally it’s a great thing. It helps with writing stories, stopping boredom and just generally keeping me happy and entertained. That was until my partner started working away.
Now I’m alone for a week at a time. And mostly it’s fine. I get more done. And I feel safe. I have a great street with sweetly nosy neighbours. And two dogs that are uber protective. But that doesn’t stop my crazy brain most of the time. Especially when I watch a few of my favourite crime shows. I tend to imagine some very wacked out, cool shit.
Mostly I compensate for the fact. I avoid crime shows and double check all locks. But this week, the day before my partner left, I started reading Monday Mourning by Kathy Reichs. Dumb idea. Now I have the option of wither either reading the book and not sleeping for the next few days. Or waiting until he comes home at which point I have a week to read the whole damn thing.
Stupid imagination.
Fitness fanatics
This week I got a fitbit. Not because I’m a fitness freak, but more so because I’m almost the exact opposite. I get down the rabbit hole of study and forget everything else. To eat. To drink. To walk around.
Hence the fitbit. If I haven’t walked around in the last hour, it buzzes at me. A very easy and quick way to remind me that I need to leave the rabbit hole and head into the real world… Aside from the walking, it’s also a reminder to go make myself food. Another thing I tend to forget frequently.
Does anyone else have a tendency to get so caught up that they forget to eat and drink? Or is it just me…?
Earth and Skye 