This week I had my first really severe anxiety attack for about five years. I’ve had a few momentary freak outs in the mean time, but nothing this bad. I had to call in sick to work a few times. I struggled to get any study done. I just barely could exist. And it was horrible. Actually, I’d forgotten how horrible it was to be like that. I’d forgotten how isolating and terrifying.

Really.  I’m still kind of scared that it’s going to happen again. Even though I feel completely fine now. I have no idea what set it off. I have no idea why I suddenly couldn’t move. Couldn’t function. It just happened. And it just happened for three whole days before the sun broke through the clouds.

The anxiety itself isn’t what concerns me, it’s the idea that it could happen again. And I won’t know why. And no one understands, so it’s a little hard to feel completely at ease when it can just happen again at any point…



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